Donor Family Services

Working Through Grief

When someone we love dies, the pain we feel can be almost unbearable. We may fear that we will never smile or laugh again, never take pleasure in our lives again, never feel happiness again. We may even feel as though we are "going crazy," unable to concentrate on everyday tasks or feel anything other than unhappy. As troubling as these feelings are, they are natural in the face of a serious loss, for they are feelings associated with grief. It is normal to grieve the loss of someone important to us.

According to grief experts, there is no easy way to "get over" grief. Grief is a process of moving from the shock of loss, through the pain of the realization of the real impact of the loss, to the acceptance of the loss and the creation of a life without our loved one. Along the way we may have a variety of reactions, which can be physical, emotional, psychological. This is normal. We know, too, that people vary in their grief reactions; it’s important to grieve in our own way and on our own timetable. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grieve – to feel sad, to cry, to get angry – as part of the journey to acceptance of our loss.

While there is no blueprint for grieving, there are some things we can do to comfort ourselves during the process. Here are a few suggestions:

Grieve at your own pace and in your own way. People find comfort in many ways. Trust that you will find what works for you.
Grief is stressful, so do whatever you can to reduce stress. Suggestions include listening to music, reading, physical exercise, prayer, pets, movies, meditation. Find out what works for you and do it regularly.
Reach out to others. Ask for and accept help. Talk to friends and relatives about your loss. Join a grief support group. Social supports do help.
"Talk it out, write it down." Find some way to express your feelings. Talk with others, write in a journal, paint, write poetry.

Sometimes people find it helpful to learn more about grief or to read how others are managing their grief. There are many sources of information and inspiration available Click here for a reading list.